Resisting the Temptation to Advise

As a business owner of many decades (and a parent) I was in the business of solving problems.  Or so I thought.  But, why not?  I usually knew the solution to problems, the answer to questions and with a few years of business skills (and parenting skills) under my belt, I always thought I knew best.  I was always available for a solution and always quick to suggest to others how they might solve their issues.  Sometimes I was asked for such solutions and sometimes I just came forth when I saw the situation, because, after all, I perceived my solution as the correct one and I knew I could come up with it with little to no deliberation.  Practice makes perfect, right?  It wasn’t until I realized that all of this advice giving and solution, providing was not in the best interest of the staff I was hoping to inspire and grow.  Ditto with my offspring.

So what to do?  An abrupt end to answering any questions?  A hiatus on providing just the “perfect” solution to problems?  No, I had to rein myself in and develop skills around encouraging the problem solving from each individual who approached (staff or children).  By re-teaching myself that encouraging growth and problem solving on behalf of others actually was the best growth, I worked myself out of a job.  YAY!  Becoming somewhat irrelevant in the lives of my management’s decision making was my goal.  And by retraining myself, not retraining them, there was success.

I still have to bit my tongue when problems (in others’ lives) present themselves.  Do I offer advice when none is asked for?  Never (well, almost never, I’m a work in progress).  And do I stand back and wait for someone to ask my opinion?  Always.  My goal is to serve those around me, not my ego and yes, I’m a work in progress.