When Is It Time to Pounce?

We may encounter a colleague, friend or even casual acquaintance saying just that wrong thing that is inappropriate, disturbing or merely annoying.  It is often difficult to know when to “pounce” on this person, when to let the comment slide or when to consider it a teaching moment.  After I experienced such a situation this fall (and let it slide, then regretted it) I decided that in the future, I would define my own boundaries so that the next time something like this happened, I would be prepared.

I had decided that if the relationship between me and an individual making the statement was a good one and worth preserving, I would tread lightly.  If there was time and opportunity to debrief while explaining my feelings, I wouldn’t pounce with anger or ire.  Being upfront about how a comment made me feel seemed like the right thing to do.

But I also knew that there might come a time when “the pounce” was 100% appropriate.  Until I faced the situation, I was still a little fuzzy about what this might look like.  My hardline pounce boundary was tuned to (a) lack of respect (b) loss of safety or security (c) discrimination or inequity. And I knew the time would come.  Recently, I was presented with such a situation.

The individual in my recent scenario was not someone I knew but had just met. No business or personal relationship with him.  So when he jokingly commented on my indecisiveness, I pounced.  When he stated that my moving around to capture a better backdrop for his photograph was “just like a woman,” I simply said, “Excuse me, your comment bothers me.”  Did he appear shocked?  No, he knew exactly what I was talking about.  But it felt good to stand up for myself.  To set my boundaries, to stick up for myself as a professional, as a woman, and as a human being with a right to be respected.  Now, I’m ready.